


The One That Got Away

by SailorScribble



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorScribble/pseuds/SailorScribble
Summary: A romance between Chiba Mamoru and Rei's grandpa.
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru/Other(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	The One That Got Away

**Author's Note:**

> On my Sailor Moon Facebook fangroup "In The Name of the Moon" I asked folks to suggest a crack/obscure Sailor Moon couple and I would write a one shot about the couple with the most likes.  
> You bastards all picked Chiba Mamoru and Rei's grandpa.  
> I hope you all suffer as I have suffered.
> 
> Oh! By the way your "shirikodama" is a fictional organ located up your butthole that kappas (Japanese water demons) try to steal out of you. Yes. It's relevant. Consider this your warning.

Most couples have that inevitable conversation: _how many before me?_

Usagi was easy; she was a young girl and love to her was still new. Mamoru was her first lover, and she swore Mamoru was her only lover but, of course, there was some bickering over her feelings regarding Haruka and Seiya. Eventually it was agreed that they didn’t count, leaving Mamoru her singular love.

Mamoru, on the other hand, was fresh out of three years at high school and a popular sempai of many interested boys and girls by the time he first met Usagi. He would never lie to Usako, so he was upfront about his former lovers… He told her the names of them all.

All but one.

His secret shame. The one that got away.

The face that still haunts him in the light of the moon.

They say the heart never forgets, and it was true his heart was struggling to let go of the old man with a wily grin and brashful swagger. The raspy chortles and crooning hums of the old priest chasing skirts around the temple courtyard.

Oh how Mamoru still longed for that old man to chase his skirts.

Yes, I am talking of none other than Rei’s grandfather.

It started as a mission, long before Mamoru had learned of Usagi’s true identity, back when he too was searching for the rainbow crystals; the hearts of the Great Youma. He had received some tip that Rei’s Grandfather might house one of the crystals he was looking for… So Mamoru visited the old man to inspect.

Mamoru found him at the Hikawa temple shop, leering over two frightened school girls, trying to convince them to buy some fertility charms. This display of an old man being an absolute pervert would probably have scared away most normal people. But Mamoru was secretly a huge pervert himself, and the unabashed display of sexual harassment made his jimmies tingle.

He tried to shake it off.

“Ah!” Rei’s Grandpa said suddenly, looking to Mamoru. Or… Maybe he was looking; it was hard to say when the old man’s eyes always seemed closed! “Handsome young man coming to steal the pretty girls!?” Rei’s Grandpa said in a husky voice with a smarmy tone.

Oh no. He thinks I’m handsome?

Mamoru struggled to hide his blush. He swallowed hard, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach and reminded himself he was here for business. He put on a stern face and said, “I’m here for a fertility charm.”

He regretted it as soon as he had said it. Of all the things he could have asked for! Why that!? The silence that followed was only broken by the sound of one of Rei’s crows cawing “Aho!” (Idiot!) at the back of his head.

But Rei’s grandpa responded with a hearty laugh and a flirty eyebrow waggle, “A man like you needs no charm.”

The old man’s sarcastic wit was frustrating and yet Mamoru’s ‘fertile’ loins yearned for him like how Hotaru yearns for a non-absent parent; “Enough jokes, old man. Give me the charm so I can leave.” Mamoru had already forgotten why he was there in the first place.

Rei’s Grandpa huffed, “No need to be so pushy!” He turned around and bent over, giving Mamoru a full view of his ass hiding under the folds of his kesa. Then he turned back and handed Mamoru the charm, “That’ll be 100 yen-“ The old man had hardly finished the sentence before Mamoru threw the money at his big bald head and ran out of the temple faster than Minako runs from a date she’s two-timing.

It was only when he was back safe in his apartment that he realized he didn’t do any investigating! But how could he with that sexy little tart traipsing around like that! He climbed into bed, realizing he would have to try again tomorrow.

That night he was visited by the same dream he had almost every night; the silhouette of a maiden bathed in moonlight, beckoning to him. Every night he tried getting close to her, tried to see her face, but he would always wake up before her image became clear. That morning when he awoke he began to wonder…

Was Rei’s grandpa the princess he was looking for?

He knew it was wrong, but he would do anything to discover the identity of his princess, so he started dating Rei for the sole purpose of getting closer to her grandpa.

“Oh Mamoru~” she sighed lovingly one day as he treated her to some drinks at the Crown, “If only Usagi could see you and me, together, so in love.”

Why is she so obsessed with Usagi? Mamoru often wondered, but that wasn’t important, “I need to see your grandpa.” He demanded.

Her face quickly turned sour, “Again? What for this time?”

He was afraid she might have been catching onto his scheme, he had to come up with a quick excuse, “The fertility charm he gave me doesn’t work.”

Rei’s face went pale, and Mamoru instantly realized the implications, “What fertility charm!?” She asked in horror, “How do you know if it’s working or not!?”

Mamoru stood up, “Just take me to him!”

And so there he was once again at Hikawa shrine, watching Rei’s grandpa lewdly hip thrust at two terrified girls as they scampered away from the shrine. It was a crime to be that attractive!

“Stop scaring away customers!” Rei scolded him, before gesturing to Mamoru, “My boyfriend says the fertility charm you gave him isn’t working.”

Rei’s Grandpa responded with a sniggering, “Hu hu huuuu how does he know that?”

Mamoru knew the old man was thinking about his nuts and Mamoru was two seconds from creaming his pants. Thankfully Rei broke the spell by clocking her grandpa over the head, face as red as Ami’s after she’s received a 99.99% instead of the full 100 on a test, “Don’t ask such vulgar questions and just- get him a new one! Or. Something!” She looked back at Mamoru confused and concerned, and unfortunately Mamoru had no answers for her.

Rei’s grandpa complied and Mamoru realized this whole charade had to end, “Thank you.” He said quickly, rushing outta there like Usagi running from her problems.

“See you tomorrow!” Rei called after him, but there would be no tomorrow with her. His relationship with her was over. He had to forget about the handsome man with the shiny bald head. It was distracting him from his mission!

Months passed and he eventually learned that the dumpling head Usako was _actually_ his mysterious princess. He would never admit that he was a little disappointed when he found out; even then he had been holding onto a sliver of hope that maybe Rei’s grandpa was his lost princess, but fate is not always kind. Mamoru did his best to avoid the Hikawa shrine and _temptation,_ but it was hard when the girls used it like a homebase for their operations. More time passed and Mamoru started to feel some semblance of normalcy- at least as much ‘normalcy’ as one could have when your daughter from the future comes to live with you and, after aggressively lusting after you, her own father, she falls head over heels for an actual horse.

Mamoru had been working up the courage to address his daughter’s zoological interests when fate brought him closer to the old man who vexed him so.

Spooked by a false fire, in less than 5 minutes the girls had destroyed his apartment, meaning he needed a place to stay while it was repaired. Rei was quick to offer the shrine and, well, how could he decline the invitation?

Rei insisted Mamoru indulge in Hikawa’s hot baths during his stay. Her grandpa was there too, and Mamoru did his best to ignore him but the old man piped up and added, “It’s a traditional bath, fueled by a hot spring!” Then lowered his head a little and actually opened his eyes to peek at Mamoru straight on, “You ought to be careful.” He said in a low tone, “If you leave out a cucumber you might attract a kappa.” Mamoru turned red, and Rei blissfully missed the obvious innuendo, “I’ll get your things!” She said cheerfully disappearing into a back room. Up in the rafters, Ninja-Usagi spied on her friend jealously, wary that Rei might steal away her Mamo-Chan. Little did she know that she was afraid of the wrong person!

During his stay, Mamoru did eventually make his way to the hot spring and lingered perhaps a little too long naked outside the bath, hoping a certain someone might accidentally walk in on him. Someone _did_ accidentally walk in but it was only Rei! He was startled for sure, and she seemed upset that such a thing had happened, but she couldn’t possibly be as upset as he was! He sunk down into the bath, swimming in his own shame and regret. He wondered what life might have been like had he pursued Rei’s grandpa when he had the chance? There would be no furry, Freudian daughter, no girlfriend who was a super hero crime fighter that basically meant he had a target slapped to his forehead for every horny villain looking for an easy way to take down Sailor Moon. Life would be simple… Life would be easy…

“Did you leave out a cucumber…?” He heard from the shadows.

Mamoru jumped when a small figure stepped into the light; it was him! The beautiful creature who had taken his heart completely hostage: Rei’s grandpa.

The old man pulled a knot from his robes and the silken _kesa_ gracefully dropped to his ankles, revealing to Mamoru the full splendors of a man over 80, “I see the way you look at me. I have lived long enough to know when someone wants to bump uglies you dirty skank.”

The little man slithered through the bath up to Mamoru and grabbed a fistful of Mamoru’s ass in his hand, “Let’s see if can find your _shirikodama._ ”

While Usagi was busy confronting Rei about seeing Mamoru naked, Mamoru and Rei’s grandpa made hot passionate love. Unfortunately Mamoru forgot that he had invited Diana to join him in the baths, and the kitten was witness to the whole thing. That day she learned valuable life lessons about love, romance, and BDSM. Eventually Yuuichiro, fueled by his own jealous rage (he had been trying to court Rei’s grandpa for months!) attempted to heat up the bath to scare away the writhing lovers. He was actually unsuccessful, but their lovemaking was so hot it heated up the baths to the point of being roasted alive.

The lovers regretfully separated before either could finish, “Meet me tomorrow.” Rei’s grandpa whispered into Mamoru’s ear before scuttling off to his bedroom.

Mamoru was spent but also afraid: truthfully, he had agreed to stay at Rei's so he could work on his college assignment while his apartment was repaired, and there was no way he was going to get his assignment done at this rate!

The next day, while Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars were caught in a battle with a lemure, Mamoru confronted the old man in his parlor, “This cannot go on.” He said, “I have a loving wife and a kid! I cannot pursue this beautiful dream with you. We will have to lay it to rest.”

Rei’s grandpa nodded but said, “Just give me one last time with you before we part ways forever.”

Mamoru agreed, and while Mamoru and Rei’s grandpa made hot passionate love a second time, Mamoru neglected to come to Sailor Moon’s aid as Tuxedo Mark, resulting in her almost getting killed. Thankfully she came out alive and when she confronted him about it later he claimed that he was working real hard on that assignment and thankfully she was stupid enough to believe him. Rei’s Grandpa finally gave Yuuichiro his big break and the priest and apprentice monk fucked like animals behind the shrine every afternoon. Mamoru ended up failing his assignment, but college degrees didn't mean shit when you become King of the world. He and Usagi as King Endymion and Neo Queen Serenity brought a new era of peace to the world over, and for centuries Mamoru’s secret affair was safe… Until one day Diana came home from her excursion to the past and asked Mamoru to explain what “rimming” was and Usagi had such a meltdown the world basically exploded and Wiseman took over as ruler of the word, the end.


End file.
